There’s a line that they feed you, and they feed it to you young. One day, your prince will come. And you grow up expecting him to, as if he’ll materialize, like clockwork, precisely when he means to. You’ll coordinate fake weddings, you’ll imagine you and him, and you’ll go through your childhood blissfully unaware of the alternative.
It might come slow, or it might hit you harder than you could possibly imagine, but you may end up wondering why you’re feeling the way that you do. The heady feelings of excitement, and the rush of a brand new crush…they could be for a girl, instead of a guy.
If this is happening to you, don’t panic. What you’re feeling is completely normal. It’s already hard enough to experience the sensation of falling in love at high volume, why is it necessary to make a final decision on what genre of person you want to be?
You may feel isolated. You may feel alone. But seeing as you’re right here, reading these words, I’m hoping that you feel a little less scared.
You may feel awkward changing around other girls in gym class; it might get harder to hug your friends after a particularly fantastic hang out. Or, you may have found that special girl who turns your life upside down completely-––and for her, you’d do anything––anything but tell her, that is.
If you’re confused, you don’t have to accept anything but the nature of your own fluidity. Feelings are evanescent things. They come and go like clouds. This might be the beginning of an exciting journey to blossom into the person that you want to be, or it may just be a one off.
People might bully you. That has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their own insecurities, and their own inability to live their lives as authentically as you may decide to do. If being open with your newfound self and desires is something you want to do, you have my commendations. You’ve done something that many people are afraid to do: be themselves. Rather than living a life of quiet desperation, you’ve decided to run with it, roll with it, and honestly, it may get rough, but always know that there’s an invisible network of people (some who may not even know you, myself included) that are cheering you on, despite the haters.
You can choose to keep it quiet, too. One of the mantras of feminism is that the personal is political, but the personal can simply be personal too. Not all of us are made for standing on soapboxes, and becoming willing (or reluctant) heroes. You can just be, and no one should make you feel like a bad person for not engaging in identity politics. Just remember this; you can just be.
Love is love is love. That’s all.
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