Author Archives: Natasha Hunt

How to Survive All-Girls School

Posted on by
1

As much as we hate to say it, summer’s coming to an end. Which means it’s high time you started thinking about getting back to school. For some of you lovely ladies, this may entail going to an entirely new school—and even more exciting? You might be going to an all girls school.

Single sex schools have a reputation for being hellishly awful. Between watching Blair Waldorf scheme her way to the top of Constance Billiard and  the sympathetic coos of your friends when they find out that you’re going to one, it’s easy to feel a little depressed about your current academic situation. Trust me, I feel your pain. 

I went to an all-girls school from junior kindergarten to grade 12, and I’d like to argue that yes, some of what you heard may be true: all-girls schools are indeed competitive. Some people are high strung. Some people are baby sociopaths. But, I think that behaviour’s just a people thing, and not so much reflective of cramming a bunch of girls into a building for eight hours and forcing them to do trigonometry. 

As a single sex school survivor, I’ll tell you how to make it through.

1. Ditch the preconceived notions. Just because there aren’t any boys around doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s open season on your sanity. Not all girls are catty Eve Harrington-types hellbent on stealing your life, or making your high school experience as miserable as possible, so before thinking yourself into a hole, think about all the great potential friendships you could make. Some of my closest friends (to this day) are the people I met in kindergarten at Havergal, or randomly in the halls at BSS.

2. Get involved. Many all girls schools boast about the sheer amount of extra curricular activities available for students…so…why not get involved? You could discover a potential passion for robotics, film, or even Model UN if you just stick your name on that sign up sheet.

3. Don’t worry about boys. Since going to an all girls school, and then attending a co-ed university, I noticed a marked difference in the way that girls interacted. In my high school classes, girls were unafraid to speak their opinions, and strove to be the ones with the highest grades, the most hand-raises, which fostered a competitive yet supportive environment that was conducive to learning. In university? Not so much. It got depressing that boys dominated the conversations (even when they were wrong), and I yearned to return to my nerd cocoon. Worrying that guys will think you’re weird for being intelligent, well spoken, and passionate about something isn’t…well, uh, something you should worry about. I hate to go all older sister on you, but seriously, guys at this age don’t know a good thing even if she walked up to them and said “Hi, I’m a good thing, how’s it hanging?”– so don’t feel the need to develop a persona outside of school that isn’t you in order to seem “attractive”. 

4. If you do get into drama, know that it doesn’t last forever. I’m not going to sugar coat things and say that attending an all girls school was one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had–there were friend break ups, there were disputes. Actually, there was a whole ton of stupid bullshit. Yet, the thing to keep in mind is when everyone’s hormones are on the fritz, and everything seems like it’s life or death, sometimes the crap can hit the proverbial fan. If it happens? Take a deep breath, listen to some Hole, and practice the exceptionally hard, yet exceptionally necessary art of “not giving a fuck”. Works wonders, I assure you.

5. Support each other. High school is HARD. Don’t make it any harder for yourself or other people.

6. You CAN make dude friends. It’s possible. While I wasn’t a fan of attending high school dances, there are a ton of activities where you can meet guys who may just become your closest friends for life. Whether it’s going to a debate tournament, or just hanging with some of your closest friends at the movies.

7. You don’t need to a bitch to survive. Some people think that the only way to make it out alive is to kill, or be killed. When really, the only thing you need to kill is the negativity. Just do the things that you like, and surround yourself with positive people who challenge, inspire, and appreciate you.

8. Don’t wear bright nail polish. They’ll send you to the office for nail polish remover. Take my advice… just don’t.

The Mess in Your Head

Posted on by
Reply

Perhaps you have ravenous thoughts. Thoughts that overwhelm and consume your day, like so many flies buzzing around a summer picnic. Perhaps it’s too early to tell what you will make of them.

Maybe you’re prone to writing? Maybe you keep a notebook? If not, it’s never too late to start frantically jotting things down. It’s an effective way of trimming  your internal monologue until it’s nothing but sinew. Don’t worry if they bleed into one another––this is how material works after all.

One isn’t born a writer, one becomes one.

Diaries can become your best friend. No matter how mundane these mental soliloquies are, they are your own, and it always feels nice to have a language, a rhythm, and a currency all your own.

Choose wisely who you share your head with.

A lot of people have a low tolerance for other people’s “bullshit”, as we call it, because it stops us from filtering our own. I find this reluctance to care problematic; it kills your empathy and makes you brittle. If you want other people to hear you, be prepared to listen. 

It’s never annoying to vocalize how you experience the world––as you age, you’ll begin to learn who you can tell what to. 

Yes, your ideas may be sophomoric, and yes they may be self-involved. But who isn’t? It doesn’t matter if there are worse things going on in the world right now, because in this moment, your ribs may be cracking, and you may be bleeding some kind of invisible blood. Take whatever bandages you can.

You’re a teenager, hang on to the feeling while it lasts, because pretty soon you wake up and there’s not as much of a safety net when it comes to things like these.   You won’t have the luxury of feeling lost and aimless (note: you will still feel lost and aimless, but you won’t have the time to admit it to yourself, much less other people).

Care when someone comes to you with their own emotional scraps. You may not have to be the one to sew them back together, but you can perhaps point them in the right direction of some thread.

When you find the person that you can call for at least an hour, who can stare down long tracts of night with you––hold on to them. Make sure you don’t alienate them too much. They’ll keep you honest. 

If your mind is more messy than neat, it may feel like you are the one defective thing in a sea of shiny happy people, but trust me, you’re not. Some of the best friends I have today were the lonely freaks of yesterday––and even through the drama, the upheavals, and rejections, they’ve helped me rebuild a fractured heart more than I ever could have myself. You’ll find them, I know you will.

Forest for the Trees Leather Journal available on Etsy from La Bella Vita, about $41.

If You’re Confused

Posted on by
Reply

There’s a line that they feed you, and they feed it to you young. One day, your prince will come. And you grow up expecting him to, as if he’ll materialize, like clockwork, precisely when he means to. You’ll coordinate fake weddings, you’ll imagine you and him, and you’ll go through your childhood blissfully unaware of the alternative.

It might come slow, or it might hit you harder than you could possibly imagine, but you may end up wondering why you’re feeling the way that you do. The heady feelings of excitement, and the rush of a brand new crush…they could be for a girl, instead of a guy.

If this is happening to you, don’t panic. What you’re feeling is completely normal. It’s  already hard enough to experience the sensation of falling in love at high volume, why is it necessary to make a final decision on what genre of person you want to be?

You may feel isolated. You may feel alone. But seeing as you’re right here, reading these words, I’m hoping that you feel a little less scared.

You may feel awkward changing around other girls in gym class; it might get harder to hug your friends after a particularly fantastic hang out. Or, you may have found that special girl who turns your life upside down completely-––and for her, you’d do anything––anything but tell her, that is. 

If you’re confused, you don’t have to accept anything but the nature of your own fluidity. Feelings are evanescent things. They come and go like clouds. This might be the beginning of an exciting journey to blossom into the person that you want to be, or it may just be a one off. 

People might bully you. That has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their own insecurities, and their own inability to live their lives as authentically as you may decide to do. If being open with your newfound self and desires is something you want to do, you have my commendations. You’ve done something that many people are afraid to do: be themselves. Rather than living a life of quiet desperation, you’ve decided to run with it, roll with it, and honestly, it may get rough, but always know that there’s an invisible network of people (some who may not even know you, myself included) that are cheering you on, despite the haters.

You can choose to keep it quiet, too. One of the mantras of feminism is that the personal is political, but the personal can simply be personal too. Not all of us are made for standing on soapboxes, and becoming willing (or reluctant) heroes. You can just be, and no one should make you feel like a bad person for not engaging in identity politics. Just remember this; you can just be.

Love is love is love. That’s all.

How to Effectively Yell at a Friend (While Saving Your Own Sanity)

Posted on by
Reply

Sometimes you just have to confront a friend. Whether they’ve been careless with your feelings, or someone else’s—there may be times that you may feel tempted to yell it out. While it is indeed hilarious to come armed with “throwing wine” Real Housewives style, we can assure you that the vindication you feel in the moment will only be followed up with a big, steaming pile of regret. Sound good? We didn’t think so. So before you decide to go at it, here are a five tips on how to fight fair.

1.    Take some time to cool down after the initial incident.  Even if your response was to say “Dude, WTF?”, if it’s an issue that’s truly a point of contention in your friendship, take some time to really think about what you want to say before you do anything else.

2.    Realize that conflict is natural. Though it might be devastating in the heat of the moment, it’s perfectly okay to be at odds with your pal. As much as friendship is all about living in a certain symbiotic harmony with one another, it’s also about making sure that each of you derive strength from your bond, as well from yourselves. Often, we don’t realize when we’re being tools—but with a good friend to call you out on it, you’ll learn and grow.

3.    Put Yourself in Their Shoes. A little empathy can go a long way. For instance, if a friend blew you off—before you go all Medea on them (and their unborn children), ask a couple questions. Then gauge the appropriate level of rage.

4.    I Feel Statements.  For anyone who’s spent copious amounts of time in therapy (or watched a shitton of Oprah), framing arguments around “I feel” statements does wonders for helping the other person understand your thought process. When you do have that dreaded conversation, it comes off as less accusative. And generally, most friends won’t dismiss your feelings around a situation.

5.    Let them Talk. Usually, when we’re fighting with someone we care about, we have a tendency to construct a maudlin monologue about all of the injustices they have done to us. Though this works in the movies, very rarely does this ever pan out in real life. It’s important to maintain that your bond with your pal is built on a foundation of honest, open dialogue. If you come to a solution together, consider your friendship strengthened!

If none of this works, by all means—bring on the throwing wine.

What to do when you’re having a Slow Brain Day

Posted on by
Reply

Uh, excuse me? I’m sorry. My brain isn’t functioning properly. 

This has been the mantra of my last month. No matter what’s being done, it’s as if my brain is in heat-fried stasis. When you’re in a state like that, it becomes harder to write, harder to think––harder to do anything besides watch reruns of The Bachelorette while simultaneously kind of hating yourself for watching reruns of The Bachelorette. If you’re starting to feel that your mind is melting…much like mine is, here are seven tips on how to get your focus back.

1. Take a goddamn nap already. There! I said it. Go. To. Sleep. Even if it’s just for fifteen minutes, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll feel better than if you stared at a blank, white screen for the next hour.

2. Journal.  Even if it’s just free associations, put some pen to paper. Feeling like you’re doing something useful is often the quickest route to actually doing something useful.

3. Dance around to David Bowie. Pretty self explanitory, no?

4. Go somewhere air conditioned. Part of having a slow brain day is feeling as if your brain is stewing in its own juices. Heat has a funny way of doing that to you. So get inside, young grasshopper. Get inside.

5. Read Just Kids. Simply because Patti Smith is just that fantastic. By the end of it, you’ll be inspired to go create some art, or even get out of your head and explore the world for a little while.

6. Hang upside down for ten seconds. Whether it’s off the ledge of your bed, off of one of those chin-up bars in the park, or if you can do a headstand––change your verticality. 

7. Cook. When the work you’re doing is academic/intellectual/involves your brain, it can be soothing to try something with a different rhythm that still requires focus. Cook something, and then get back to work.

Not Your Mother’s Pearl Necklace

Posted on by
Reply

Oddly enough, I’ve been into pearls as of late. Which is strange, considering in my mind they’re the bastion of all things antiquated and stodgy. I know there’s the whole Chanel standby of layering so many pearls on top of each other, but for me, most pearl necklaces seem more like a form of sartorial strangulation than anything else. However, there are a couple exceptions. Notable exceptions, in fact.

One of my favourite pieces I’ve found this summer is from the Ossington Ave. mainstay, I Miss You Vintage. [It’s a short sleeved, turtle-necked crop top comprised entirely of pearls. Armor heavy, and certainly off-kilter, it’s a piece best saved for those moments when you feel like indulging your inner eccentric heiress (read: Daphne Guinness). The lesson here? Look for pieces that use pearls in a non-traditional way. Whether you can find boleros covered in the stuff, or your own crazy crop top, it’s a statement piece that’ll look primly punk.

The second item that’s been in constant rotation in my wardrobe is another find from I Miss You Vintage (except it’s their new Victorian concept shop). A little more cute than kooky, it’s an incredibly on trend 1940’s pearl collar necklace. You can pair something like this with an adorable skirt/top combination for an easy touch of elegance, or with a long sleeved black silk shirt and leather trouser for a more monochromatic vibe.

If you find yourself unable to commit to wearing pearls on your body, why not wear them on your head? Wear a necklace like a garland, or glue larger pearls to bobby pins and barrettes to add some drama to your ‘do.